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Peer Assistance | Mentoring | Coaching | Join the Peer Resources Network
The Mentor News (November 8, 2005)
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FINDING THE PASSION IN GOAL SETTING Over the last few weeks I was in Penticton, British Columbia and the experiences I had while I was there have reinforced for me some important lessons about goal setting in mentoring. The city of Penticton is in the center of the Okanagan Valley of Canada and is known for its vineyards and orchards that produce peaches, cherries, nectarines, grapes, plums, apples and apricots. Penticton is also home to the yearly Ironman Canada (www.ironman.ca/), where just a few weeks ago more than 2400 competitors swam 2.4 miles (3.86 kilometers), cycled 112 miles (180.2 kilometers), and ran 26.2 miles (42.2 kilometers) to join a group of elite athletes from around the world who have accomplished this remarkable feat. My cycling exercise program (www.mentors.ca/cycling.html) brought me into contact with many of these athletes during their training workouts. For short periods of time I would actually be able to cycle along with them. We would have conversations about cycling, technique and equipment, but while I was catching my breath in between questions, they would eventually pull ahead with little effort. It was very inspiring to be in the presence of so many great competitors, but it didn't take me long to realize that their training regimen and fitness level were beyond anything I could accomplish. At first I rationalized that their superior fitness must be the result of an age difference. Most of the athletes were in their 20's and 30's. But then one of the finishers was a 75-year-old woman who had competed in many of these events. There was also a 60-65 year-old age category that included many competitors who crossed the finish line. While I came up with a new rationalization every day as to why it wouldn't be appropriate for me to participate in an Ironman event (including simple ones like "I don't like swimming" and "I don't like running") what it really came down to was that the goal just seemed impossible to me. I could imagine myself crossing the finish line, hands raised in the air as I snapped the tape, but I couldn't imagine doing what it takes to ready myself for such a competition. What became apparent to me was that setting a goal was relatively easy. However, articulating why that goal was important, what value it had, what yearning it satisfied, and what ache it filled, was much more difficult and at the same time much more important to goal achievement. I needed to know what passion would sustain me through the adversity associated with trying to reach my goal. I needed to know what voltage would propel me toward a goal that would be rife with barriers, twists, and possible wrong turns. I needed to know what reserves I could draw upon to meet the unexpected and unanticipated events that I would encounter along the way. One of competitors I met, Mike, was a few hundred meters from finishing the cycling portion of the Ironman (which occurs after the swim and before the run) when a bee flew into his helmet. In trying to rid his headgear of the bee, he lost his balance, fell to the road and separated his shoulder. He got back on the bike, cycled to the transition area where he changed his gear, and after starting the run realized every step he took resulted in excruciating pain in his arm and shoulder. He dropped out of the race. Other competitors needed seventeen hours to finish an event won by the first place man (Chris Leito) in 8.5 hours and first place woman (Karen Holloway) in just under 10 hours. Two hundred and fifty competitors were unable to finish. When I saw Mike a couple of days later with his shoulder bandaged and arm in a sling, he was jubilant about how well he did. Although disappointed that he didn't finish, his enthusiasm for the next competition remained undaunted. In the brief chat we had about the Ironman his eyes sparkled, he was passionate about his upcoming training routine, and his spirit voiced his resilience. A key element of goal setting is the connection the goal has to the heart. That is why one of the steps in the Five-Minute Mentor Activity (www.peer.ca/Projects/Five-Minute-Mentor.pdf) requires a mentor and partner to discuss the perceived and experienced importance of any goal established in their relationship. This step is often missing when a mentor engages in goal setting with a partner. But simply asking, "What's important about goal X?" or "Where's the bliss?" or "What feelings do you experience when talking about goal X?" may not be enough. Importance is somewhat like the layers of an onion, it can be continually peeled away and another layer takes its place. Therefore, asking the question three or more times as suggested in a Whack on the Side of the Head by Roger von Oech (1998), might be necessary to understand the depth and breadth of any individual's goal statement. The answers provided through a repetition of this question can help a person assess the passion or voltage of the goal through a variety of non-verbal and verbal cues that reveal themselves during the discussion. Such cues will lend considerable weight as to the degree to which an individual will likely be able to manage the setbacks and unexpected events along the way. By connecting with the passion or the heart of the goal, achievement becomes much more of a reality. References: "Life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it." ~ Charles Swindoll ~ SETTING EXPECTATIONS IN A MENTORING PARTNERSHIP All too often when mentoring relationships fail, it is because of unstated expectations or too little attention to establishing clear expectations for both the mentor and the partner. Heffernan and Joni (2005) in their article, "Proteges and Pitfalls: A Complete Plan for Getting the Mentoring You Need," identified explicit expectations as one of the key "rules" for effective mentoring. A recent article in Training (August, 2005) also noted that "inappropriate expectations" are a major contributor to unsuccessful mentoring connections. Several studies have shown that when expectations of both the partner and mentor are met during their partnership, the participants are much more likely to rate the mentorship as highly effective and worthwhile. And somewhat surprisingly, expectations that are clearly communicated, agreed upon, and demonstrated contribute more to the success of a mentoring relationship than the factors used to match a mentor and partner. If expectations play such an important role, why hasn't the mentoring literature, especially works aimed at program leaders and practitioners, provided more guidance for establishing expectations or engaging in expectation conversations? Other than stating that expectations are important and should be discussed, many mentoring works fail to provide any further instruction as to how to go about doing this. It's assumed, we guess, that setting expectations is such a simple and straightforward activity, that it doesn't need any more articulation than just suggesting it be done. But the failure rate of formal mentoring relationships is so often blamed on unclear or poorly stated expectations, that the conventional wisdom regarding expectations ("just do it") seems woefully inadequate. To rectify this situation it is helpful to describe what is involved in helping a mentoring partnership initiate a discussion about expectations. Sanjeev Sharma (s070976@yahoo.co.in) has identified three principles that drive expectations: clarity, relevance, and simplicity. Expectations, according to Sharma, must focus on outcomes, not activities. In other words, mentors and partners achieve clarity when they identify the expected results rather than the method for achieving them. Mentors often make the mistake of attempting to direct the process that a partner will use rather than being clear about results. The advantage of identifying the outcome is that both the mentor and the partner can identify the methods for achieving the desired results. The principle of relevance helps define the "why" of the mentoring partnership. If both the mentor and partner have a full understanding of the importance of their mentoring connection, they can make adjustments as unanticipated factors crop up within the process. They probably also will be more committed to the result because they can see more easily how it fits into the big picture and how their efforts impact the success of their partnership. Simplicity creates a sense of grounding for both mentor and partner as they endeavor to work towards their agreed upon outcomes. If the pairing identifies their work together in simple, straightforward terms, both parties will be able to more easily recognize how close they are coming to achieving their agreed upon expectations. To accomplish this, mentors and partners must be able to identify the key message contained in their expectations. With these principles in hand, a mentor can initiate a conversation with his or her partner by facilitating a discussion about what each participant holds as expectations for him or herself. The mentor can begin by acting as a role model: "Here's what I hope to gain from this mentoring relationship." And then after expressing whatever results the mentor expects, the mentor then asks the partner to share his or her own expectations. Once the list is created the mentor can then in cooperation with the partner review the two lists of expectations using the principles of clarity, relevance and simplicity as a template. Probably at no other time in the mentoring relationship is it more important to assess the degree to which the expressed expectations mesh. Some adjustments are bound to be necessary, but this is clearly the time to acknowledge that the expectations are in an conflict with each other if, in fact, that is apparent. Such a conflict does not necessarily mean the pairing is inappropriate. A skilled mentor may be able to use such a situation as an opportunity for learning, relationship-building, and facilitating an even deeper reflection upon the stated expectations. Clear expectations are the foundation for virtually everything that will take place in the progress of the mentoring relationship. However, their anchor weight doesn't mean that the expectations remain static. Over the course of the mentorship, particularly as the relationship deepens, trust increases, and new concerns arise, both the mentor and partner may want to revise their original expectations and create new outcome statements more relevant to their current status. Monitoring of expectations and continuous mutual feedback about meeting such expectations becomes another one of the key principles for putting into practice the importance of expectations in a mentoring relationship. "We cannot control the tragedies that befall us, but we can control how we respond to them." ~ Grey Owl ~ MENTORING CONFERENCES and EVENTS Mentoring in the 21st Century Institute Tutor/Mentor Leadership Conference Mentor Leadership Training European Mentoring & Coaching Conference Powerful Mentoring and Coaching Culture National Conference of Business Mentoring 19th Annual International Mentoring Association Conference Mentoring: Building Employee Relationships and Increasing Productivity "No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another." ~ Charles Dickens ~ USE MENTORING LITERATURE TO GUIDE PROFESSIONAL PRACTICE Boyle, M. (August, 2005). Most mentoring programs stink - but yours doesn't have to. Training: Helping People and Business Succeed, 42, 8, 13-15.
Boyle Single, P. and Single, R.M. (August, 2005). E-mentoring for social equality: Review of research to inform program development. Mentoring and Tutoring, 13, 2, 301-320.
Conway, K. (August, 2005). Mentoring: Back to the basics. Training, 42, 8, 42.
Ensher, E. and Murphy, S. (2005). Power mentoring: How successful mentors and proteges get the most out of their relationships. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Heffernan, M. & Joni, S-N. (August, 2005). Of proteges and pitfalls: A complete plan for getting the mentoring you need. Fast Company: How Smart People Work, 97, 81-83.
McDonald, K.S. and Hite, L.M. (2005). Ethical issues in mentoring: The role of HRD. Advances in Developing Human Resources, 7, 4, 569-582.
Treasury Board of Canada (n.d.). A guide to mentoring students. Retrieved July 26, 2005 from www.tbs-sct.gc.ca/pubs_pol/hrpubs/tb_856/agtms1_e.asp
"According to a recent study, five out of four people have trouble with fractions." ~ Grey Owl ~ CHAMPIONS OF MENTORING Samsung and Circuit City donated $100,000 to a Boys and Girls Club in the Bronx, New York to enable members to have fun and mentoring with New York Yankee's manager Joe Torre. (Source: TWICE, September 5, 2005) AmeriCorps State and National Grant Program is now available for 2006 to initiate, improve, or expand the ability of organizations and communities to provide services to address local unmet environmental, educational, public safety (including disaster preparedness and response), or other human needs. AmeriCorps awards member positions and program operating funds to public and private nonprofit organizations with goals which are in accord with this mission. Grants support organizations that use volunteer service as a strategy for addressing national and community needs, while fostering an ethic of civic responsibility and connecting Americans of all ages and backgrounds with opportunities to serve their communities and country. More than one million dollars is being made available. The deadline for most applications is February 14, 2006. Instructions, regulations and other relevant details are available at www.americorps.gov/for_organizations/funding/nofa. Matching scientists with students is the goal of the International Telementor Program and they provide a monthly newsletter that is filled with articles about the outcomes of the pairings as well as hints and tips about maximizing the relationships. The October, 2005 issue, for example, describes the role that Sean Covey's "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens" played in developing a successful mentoring connection. In addition, mentors share some of the tools they use to introduce themselves and strengthen their mentoring relationships. (Source: www.telementor.org>www.telementor.org) The Chinese Professional Associations of Canada (CPAC) provides a mentoring program that matches Canadian professionals with internationally trained professionals to help them make the transition to Canada and find opportunities to apply their skills. Since the start of the program in 2004, they have matched 51 pairs. The mentors, recruited from CPAC and community professionals, commit six hours per month to help their partners. So far the success rate is at the 40% mark. This includes all professional hires, employment in a closely related field, contracted positions, co-op programs or decisions to return to college and university. (Source: mentoring@chineseprofessionals.ca) "Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats." ~ Howard Aiken ~ EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES The Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory (NWREL), which includes the National Mentoring Center, in Portland, Oregon is seeking candidates for two positions: (1) a National Service Curriculum Developer and Coach; and (2) a Management Specialist. "If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. ~ Grey Owl ~ JOIN THE PEER RESOURCES NETWORK Do you know someone who could benefit from becoming a member of the Peer Resources Network? Although you are receiving this free newsletter every 45-60 days, members of the Peer Resources Network receive a monthly newsletter with additional information, practical tips, announcements, mentor program descriptions, funding opportunities and job openings in mentoring and mentoring research summaries every month. In addition Peer Resources Network members receive toll-free coaching and consultation for all mentor program development issues as an additional benefit of membership. Members also receive print versions of Compass: A Magazine for Peer Assistance, Mentorship and Coaching. This magazine has become the only advertising-free, professional, peer-reviewed publication on mentoring, and is filled with timely articles and practical suggestions from experienced mentor program leaders. The Peer Resources Network is a non-profit organization and is sustained through memberships. The low fee for a one-year individual membership is $75.00 and the fee for an institutional membership, which allows up to five people to share a full membership, is $140.00 for a year. We even have a student rate of $32.10/year. For more details on the benefits as well as a secure online form to sign-up, go to http://www.mentors.ca/PRN.html. "If I called a strategic planning meeting, there would be dead silence, then people would fall out of their chairs laughing." ~ Oprah Winfrey ~ The Mentor News is a free publication of Peer Resources, 1052 Davie Street, Victoria, British Columbia V8S 4E3 Canada. Back issues are available online. To subscribe or unsubscribe send an email to info@mentors.ca. If you know of anyone who might benefit from receiving this newsletter, please pass it on. (All items in this newsletter have been selected or adapted from The Peer Bulletin, a paid subscriber publication for members of the Peer Resources Network. Copyright is held by Peer Resources.) |
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