TOPICS

MENTORING LEAVES A LEGACY

Finding an appropriate way to end a mentoring relationship is a seldom discussed topic. In fact, one of the potential challenges in recruiting mentors for structured, formal mentoring programs is dispelling the myth that volunteering to be a mentor requires a life-time commitment with no end. In formal mentoring schemes there is typically an agreed upon time limit, after which partners may decide to continue in an informal or less structured fashion.

Informal mentoring relationships are almost by definition independent of any time limit. They often do not even have a definite beginning. But unlike formal relationships which might even have a prescription for a successful ending, informal relationships may be much more difficult to end successfully. Maybe it's because endings are just more difficult for us to deal with in general. Letting go of a relationship with someone we have learned to treasure or value is something we don't want to face.

Ending a mentoring relationship was painfully brought back to my attention when I read in the January 17, 2006 Los Angeles Times (latimes.com) that the Ambassador Hotel on Wilshire Boulevard in Hollywood, California was in the final stages of being completely demolished. This 85-year-old historic building, being torn down to make room for a $270-million dollar school campus for Los Angeles Unified School District, held the famous Cocoanut Grove, a popular watering hole for people in the entertainment business.

The end to this hotel was not actually the painful part. It was the memories of three different mentors in my life that were all related to this hotel that brought sadness to my heart. As a young undergraduate, new to UCLA, I was assigned a senior student, Mike S., as my "advisor." His role was to help me make the transition to the rigorous academic demands, social protocol, and proper athlete behavior of this massive university campus.

While Mike provided assistance in all three areas, he preferred the social realm. On many an evening he would drive his '57 Chevy with me and a couple of his fraternity brothers to the Ambassador Hotel. Initially puzzled as to why we had to wear semi-formal dress on these occasions, I soon learned from him the concept of "dress for success." His goal was to help us learn to integrate ourselves into the social swirl of celebrities, movie moguls, and sports personalities who used the hotel as a headquarters. "Learn how to mingle" was the way he put it (his techniques are humorously reflected in the 2005 motion picture, Wedding Crashers). In essence, Mike was teaching me: how to "network;" how to initiate conversations with strangers; how to order a drink from the bar (as if I was of legal age); and how to make what I was studying and doing at university sound interesting to anyone outside of the academic world. Mike was the first person to introduce me to the Laws of Attraction.

MIke died when an enemy missile blew up his fighter jet in Vietnam in 1967. He was 29.

Regular visits to the Ambassador Hotel increased my familiarity with other people who were also "regulars." One person I saw there frequently was Jill S. We started dating. She attended a university that was UCLA's cross-town rival, the University of Southern California. Jill had no problem with the rivalry, and wasn't interested in athletics, but she was interested in love. So much so that she was a teaching assistant for academe's foremost authority on love, Dr. Leo Buscaglia. She convinced Leo, also known as "Dr. Hugs" to drop-in to the hotel activities.

As soon as we were introduced and he grabbed me in one of his big bear hugs, I was connected. While he wrote more than a dozen books, he was an avid listener. He was also a great story teller with an incredible sense of humor, and his stories were often about his emotional and family life. His tales were like a glue, often peppered with Italian phrasing and history. I learned from him the power of telling a story from the heart. I learned from him the importance of touch, the importance of reaching out and giving of yourself.

We met together on many occasions and I often attended his lectures (unbeknownst to the USC registrar). I learned from him the power of using presence and genuineness as a way to engage others and understand myself. I also learned from him the importance of play. What I learned from him about the role of spirit in sport helped me to transcend the despair I was experiencing as a mediocre athlete in a world of superstars.

Leo died of a heart attack near Lake Tahoe, California in 1998 at the age of 74.

The kitchen pantry at the Ambassador Hotel is the final setting for my memories of mentors. John F. Kennedy was the first person I voted for when I was old enough to vote. I read everything he wrote; I worked on his campaign; and through a variety of other circumstances I saw him as a mentor. Like millions of others I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing on that horrible day in November of 1963, when the announcement was made that he had been assassinated in Dallas, Texas. Even writing this now, I cannot choke back the same tears and anguish I felt more than 42 years ago.

Jack Kennedy taught me about hope. He taught me about determination. He taught me about the power of service. The despair I felt after his death was only tempered by the lessons I learned from him during his life. I saw in his brother, Robert Kennedy, an opportunity for a re-birth of spirit, hope and perseverance. If JFK's own brother could find a way to climb out of grief and despair, it must be possible for those who loved Jack from a distance to once again become a powerful force for change.

In 1968 at 12:23 a.m. on June 5th, Robert Kennedy was shot in the kitchen pantry of the Ambassador Hotel just after delivering his victory speech as the winner of the California Primary election. He was 42.

The news of the demolition of this famous hotel acted as a catalyst for me to reflect on some of the greatest mentoring relationships of my life, the meaning these relationships had and still have for me, and how I've dealt with (and denied) their endings. In each of the relationships I've described here, the mentoring never came to a formal or agreed upon end. Meeting and seeing each other on a regular basis came to an end before death intervened, but the influence each mentor had on me lived on as if we had never stopped meeting.

This kind of informal mentoring does not have the same ending signposts that are typically associated with formal mentoring. Yet the need to acknowledge, recognize and honor the experience is likely the same. What will never end is the impact the relationship has on our spirit and the life we bring forward to others.

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Irving Layton (Canadian poet)

mentor to

Leonard Cohen (singer, songwriter) and Al Purdy (Canadian poet)

~ From Famous Mentor Pairings ~

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CD-ROM WITH COMPASS AND THE PEER BULLETIN

Do you know someone who could benefit from becoming a member of the Peer Resources Network? Although you are receiving this free newsletter every 45-60 days, members of the Peer Resources Network receive a monthly newsletter, the Peer Bulletin, with additional information, practical tips, announcements, mentor program descriptions, funding opportunities and job openings in mentoring and mentoring research summaries every month.

Do the quotes placed in this newsletter intrigue you? Would you like to know more about the people quoted or read more of what they have to say? Members of the Peer Resources Network receive links and more details regarding each quote when they receive the monthly Peer Bulletin.

In addition Peer Resources Network members receive toll-free coaching and consultation for all mentor program development issues as an additional benefit of membership. Members also receive print versions of Compass: A Magazine for Peer Assistance, Mentorship and Coaching. This magazine has become the only advertising-free, professional, peer-reviewed publication on mentoring, and is filled with timely articles and practical suggestions from experienced mentor program leaders.

The Peer Resources Network is a non-profit organization and is sustained through memberships. The low fee for a one-year individual membership is $75.00 and the fee for an institutional membership, which allows up to five people to share a full membership, is $140.00 for a year. We even have a student rate of $32.10/year. For more details on the benefits as well as a secure online form to sign-up, go to http://www.mentors.ca/PRN.html.

As a bonus for readers of The Mentor News who become members of the Peer Resources Network in May, 2006, we will send you at no additional cost a CD that contains the three past issues and the current issue of Compass: A Magazine for Peer Assistance, Mentorship and Coaching as well as the past 12 months of the Peer Bulletin. This CD is free to PRN members and will be sent by postal mail at no cost to any individual category member or the group leader of any institutional membership.

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Saul Bellow (Nobel Prize recipient and Canadian author)

mentor to

Martin Amis (Canadian author)

~ From Famous Mentor Pairings ~

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MENTORING CONFERENCES and EVENTS

East Mentoring Forum Workshop for Mentoring Coordinators
May 22, 2006
Madingley Hall, Cambridge, Great Britain
www.mentfor.co.uk/eventdetails.asp?eventid=258
Tel: 01245 396810
sarah@mentfor.co.uk

Setting Up a Mentoring System in an Organization
June 6, 2006
Perrone-Ambrose, 161 N. Clark Street, Chicago, Illinois
www.perrone-ambrose.com
(800) 648-0543 extension 551
ngorman@paamentoring.com

Mentoring System and Coaching Skills for Managers
June 7, 2006
Perrone-Ambrose, 161 N. Clark Street, Chicago, Illinois
www.perrone-ambrose.com
(800) 648-0543 extension 551
ngorman@paamentoring.com

The Good Mentoring Conference
June 9, 2006
The Radisson Hotel, Stansted Airport, Essex, Great Britain
www.mentfor.co.uk
Tel: 01245 39681
giles@mentfor.co.uk

Oxford School of Coaching and Mentoring 8th Annual Conference
June 14-15, 2006
Oxford, United Kingdom
www.oscm.co.uk

Premier Mentoring Conference
August 2, 2006
Marriott of West Palm Beach, Florida
wwww.mentoringpbc.org
(561) 655-8887
mentor@mentoringpbc.org

Mentoring: Building Employee Relationships
September 11-12, 2006
Canadian Management Centre, 150 York Street, Toronto, Ontario
www.cmctraining.org
(877) 262-2560
cmcinfo@cmctraining.org

First National Conference on Mentoring for Youth with Disabilities
September 13-15, 2006
Hilton Boston Logan Airport, Boston, Massachusetts
www.pyd.org
(617) 556-4075
mgallagher@pyd.org

The Effective Mentor
September 26-27, 2006
The Regency Hotel, South Kensington, London (UK)
www.mast.co.uk
01628 504919
simon.oak@mast.co.uk

Michigan's Mentoring Conference
October 25, 2006
Michigan State University, MSU Union, East Lansing, Michigan
mentormichigan@michigan.gov

13th Annual European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC) Conference
November 1-3, 2006
Radisson SAS Hotel, Cologne (Köln), Germany
www.emccouncil.org
Tel: +44 (0)20 8386 5304
lenora.jones@emccouncil.org

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Ambrose Bierce (US Civil War writer)

mentor to

Jack London and Ernest Hemingway

~ From Famous Mentor Pairings ~

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USE MENTORING LITERATURE TO GUIDE PROFESSIONAL PRACTICE

Peer Resources continually scans the professional and popular literature for articles, books, videos and other useful reference materials. They provide a brief synopsis of the work as well as citation details and summaries in a searchable format on their site at http://www.peer.ca/SearchB.html. Each issue of The Mentor News includes some of the many citations added every week.

Arévalo, E. (June, 2004). Designing and customizing mentor training. Folsom, CA: Center for Applied Research Solutions, Inc. (CARS).

This document is organized as a series of workshop topics for a mentor training. The "agenda" of the workshop includes: ground rules, foundations for mentoring, expectations, skill development, talking about difficult situations, taking responsibility, ownership, relying on a network, diversity, communication skills, setting healthy boundaries, building relationships that last, stages of a mentoring relationship, and details about a number of mentor program development issues such as risk management, codes of conduct, addressing special needs issues of adolescents by tailoring the course content, and training tips and guidelines. Throughout the manual, the author presents ideas, reflective questions, quotes, and places to make notes; while near the end of the work the author provides a number of experiential activities to implement the ideas. Rated as one of the best manuals for mentoring with adolescents, but many of the topics can be valuable with other mentoring relationships. (Copies are available to Peer Resources Network members at no cost by emailing Rey Carr.)

Dancer, J.M. (2003). Mentoring in healthcare: theory in search of practice? Clinician in Management, 12, 21-31.

Mentoring has been a confused and often misunderstood activity, which has been introduced somewhat haphazardly to date in the healthcare sector. The general principles are outlined in an effort to clarify the mentoring process, and the Egan Skilled Helper Model is described as a suitable framework which can be adopted and adapted for a developmental style of mentoring applicable to healthcare professionals, both clinical and non-clinical. Examples of existing schemes are described, together with the issues, including benefits and disadvantages, which require further consideration. It is acknowledged that the benefits of the mentoring process are difficult to quantify, but it is to be hoped that improved understanding of the process, together with an appreciation of modern knowledge-based management theory, will lead to a greater concerted effort on the part of senior management to provide an adequately coordinated, skilled and resourceful mentoring service for all who would benefit. (The full study is available to Peer Resources Network members at no cost by emailing Rey Carr.)

Jackson, V.A., Palepu, A., Szalacha, L., Caswell, C., Carr, P.L., and Inui, T. (2003). "Having the right chemistry": A qualitative study of mentoring in academic medicine. Academic Medicine, 78, 3, 328-334.

Mentoring relationships are the key to developing productive careers in academic medicine, but such alliances hold a certain "mystery." Between November 1999 and March 2000, the authors conducted individual telephone interviews of 16 faculty members about their experiences with mentoring. Interviews were taped and transcribed and authors identified major themes through multiple readings. Almost 98% of participants identified lack of mentoring as the most important factor hindering career progress in academic medicine. In cross-gender mentoring, maintaining clear boundaries is essential for an effective relationship. Same-gender or same-race matches between mentor and partner were not felt to be essential. Having a mentor is critical to having a successful career in academic medicine. Partners need to be diligent in seeking out these relationships, and institutions need to encourage and value the work of mentors.

Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory. (May, 2005). Sustainability planning and resource development for youth mentoring programs. Portland, OR: Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory.

This resource features a comprehensive look at how youth mentoring programs can plan for their future. Specific chapters cover effective planning strategies, corporate giving, approaching foundations, government grants, individual giving, local events, the ethics of fundraising, and board involvement, among others. All the advice and strategies have been written with youth mentoring programs specifically in mind by some of the field's leading experts, including Dr. Susan Weinberger of the Mentor Consulting Group, Craig Bowman of the National Youth Advocacy Coalition, and former NMC Director Mark Fulop. If today's mentoring programs are to keep their vital services going into the future, they need to prepare and take action. This book can be an invaluable resource along the way. (This work is available at: http://www.nwrel.org/mentoring/publications.html)

Smith, L.S., McAllister, L.E., and Crawford, C.S. (2001). Mentoring benefits and issues for public health nurses. Public Health Nursing, 18, 2, 101-107.

New public health nurses (PHNs) move from novice to expert status with enormous expectations from their organization, their peers, and themselves. These expectations lead to stress that may be beyond the level of endurance. Mentoring is an important answer to this problem. Mentoring is the greatest gift PHNs can give to each other, especially for PHNs who self-identified themselves as minority cultural group members. This article describes definitions, roles, benefits, and responsibilities of mentors and mentees and includes mentoring concerns, current and proposed mentoring programs, and mentoring issues for gender and race. Organizational mentoring programs can be created that will facilitate the development of mentoring relationships. These programs help experienced PHNs bridge the gap between the theory and reality of nursing for themselves and inexperienced colleagues.

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Phil Stone and Sherwood Anderson

mentors to

William Faulkner (Nobel Prize, Pulitzer Prize and National Book Award author)

~ From Famous Mentor Pairings ~

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CHAMPIONS OF MENTORING

The Toronto Region Immigrant Employment Council (TRIEC) received $540,000 donation from the TD Bank Financial Group to help fund its mentoring service for internationally educated immigrants to Canada. TRIEC has established a mentoring partnership with many local community organizations, and as of January, 2006, they have matched 533 partners and mentors. As a result of such pairings, the mentorship program has a 70 percent success rate in job placement. The bank that made the donation has seen 32 of its own employees volunteer as mentors. (Source: Canadian HR Reporter, November 21, 2005)

Management Solutions is a quarterly newsletter designed primarily for lawyers by Ida Abbott (a Peer Resources Network member) of Ida Abbott Consulting (www.idaabbott.com). The newsletter highlights current issues and innovative practices that come from Ida's work with law firms and professional services organizations. In addition to her legal background and qualifications, Ida is one of the leading experts on the application of mentoring and coaching for diversity in law firms, and her newsletter often includes articles about these topics. The Spring, 2006 issue, for example, includes items about matching mentors and partners as well as an article about the professional development needs of leaders during mergers. Subscriptions are available at no cost by going to: http://www.idaabbott.com/newsletter.html

Angela Spiers, a Peer Resources Network member and the Coordinator for the Seneca College Student Mentoring in Life and Education (SMILE) Program was recognized by the Association of Colleges of Applied Arts and Technology of Ontario (ACAATO) as a nominee for Innovation Award for her work in launching the SMILE program in 2002. Her program pairs new Seneca College students with peer mentors. The ACAATO award is given to those individuals who have demonstrated excellence in college leadership, innovation, and partnership.

The Mentoring Leadership and Resources Network of the American Society for Curriculum Development (ASCD) has announced the creation of an awards program to honor the achievements of persons who have made advancements in the field of new teacher induction programs, and at the same time educate ASCD constituents about what constitutes quality mentoring. Individuals may nominate persons who have exhibited outstanding characteristics of what makes up a quality mentor, a new teacher who has shown growth, a model new teacher program and/or an exemplary director of a new teacher program. (Source: www.mentors.net)

The Center for Applied Research Solutions (CARS) administers the Mentoring Technical Assistance Project that is funded through the California Department of Alcohol and Drug Programs. They have launched their new website (www.carsmentoring.org) with the goal of promoting state-of-the-art mentoring strategies and programs using the framework of the "Recommended Best Practices for Mentoring Programs;" strengthening local mentoring efforts; increasing communication between local mentoring programs; and improving local programs’ mentoring skills and technology.

Mentoring for Change is a free newsletter on leadership, coaching, mentoring, and storytelling prepared and distributed by Dr. Mike Munro Turner in Great Britain. The newsletter is always colourful, delivered in pdf format, and typically includes interesting theories that bring together a variety of disciplines. The most recent issue, for example, included articles on personal ecology, a profiling tool, "subversive leadership," and a method for forming leaders called "visual landscaping." To subscribe to the newsletter, visit Dr. Turner's website at http://www.mikethementor.co.uk

Robin Cox, a Peer Resources Network member in New Zealand, recently had a review of his latest book, The Mentoring Spirit of the Teacher: Inspiration, Support and Guidance for Aspiring and Practicing Teacher-Mentors published in the May, 2005 Journal of Christian Education (Vol. 48, No. 1). The author of the review, Murray Lucas, a fellow New Zealander and a school principal of a large secondary school, gave the book a wholehearted recommendation as a worthwhile resource for any secondary school. He found the section on practical ideas to help students with self-esteem and resilience especially valuable and appreciated the way in which Robin acknowledged spiritual or faith concepts without overstating them. The book can be ordered from http://www.essentialresources.co.nz or by contacting Robin Cox through his website at: http://www.yess.co.nz Robin will be visiting Canada in early July, 2006.

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W.E.B. DuBois (social explorer, writer, revolutionary)

mentor to

Herbert Aptheker (writer, historian)

~ From Famous Mentor Pairings ~

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FUNDING OPPORTUNITIES FOR MENTORING

(1) The National Crime Prevention Council in the US will award 100 grants of up to $500.00 through its Teens, Crime, and the Community initiative. The grants will support service-learning projects such as peer mentoring, peer mediation and other peer-led projects, planned and implemented by youth who identify needs and create projects to address or prevent crime, violence, and drug abuse in their schools and communities. Projects must be youth-led and applications must be submitted by June 1, 2006. For more information, go to <http://nationaltcc.org/old/files/cp_grant_2006_ap.pdf>

(2) Do Something provides grants of $500 each to 30 young people in North America, including 10 Canadians, who submit creative proposals for solving local problems. Members of Do Something's Youth Advisory Council evaluate the proposals and award grants to the most deserving projects in three areas: community building, health, and the environment. Applicants must be 25 years old or younger on May 1, 2006 to receive a 2006 Youth Grants. A unique eligibility requirement is that each applicant must have a mentor. The application deadline for a 2006 grant is May 15, 2006 and the deadline for recommendation letters is May 22, 2006. For more information, go to: <http://www.dosomething.org/awards/grants/apply/>

(3) The Family and Youth Services Bureau (FYSB) in the U.S. is accepting applications for the Mentoring Children of Prisoners (MCP) program. This program supports the creation and maintenance of one-on-one mentoring relationships between children of incarcerated parents and caring, supportive adult mentors. The intent of this program is to support the establishment or expansion of mentoring programs in communities with substantial numbers of unserved children of incarcerated parents. The Mentoring Children of Prisoners (MCP) program is designed to be a community-based mentoring program in which children and youth, ages four up to age 18, are appropriately matched with an adult mentor, who has been screened and trained, for a one-on-one (one mentor/one youth), friendship-oriented mentoring relationship. Applications are due by June 12, 2006, and the agency expects to make 55 awards totaling $US9,749,788. For more information contact: Victoria Marquez at (866) 796-1591 or fysb@dixongroup.com. The complete announcement is located on the web at:
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/grants/open/HHS-2006-ACF-ACYF-CV-0029.html

(4) Funding has been established in the U.S. for the prevention of methamphetamine abuse and addiction by assisting localities to expand prevention interventions that are effective and evidence-based and/or to increase capacity through infrastructure development such as the establishment of peer support and mentoring services. The goal is to intervene effectively to prevent, reduce or delay the use and/or spread of methamphetamine abuse. Domestic public and private nonprofit entities, including faith-based and community organizations are eligible to apply. Applications are due by May 16, 2006, and 9-11 awards are expected totalling $US3.3 million. Contact: Wilma Pinnock at (240) 276-2421 or wilma.pinnock@samhsa.hhs.gov. The complete announcement is located on the web at:
http://www.samhsa.gov/Grants06/RFA/SP_06_005_prevmeth.aspx

(5) Grants are available to U.S.-based organizations that provide outreach services for runaway and homeless youth. The purpose is to conduct outreach services designed to build relationships between grantee staff and street youth. A range of education, intervention, and prevention services are offered to youth who are at risk of being subjected to sexual abuse or exploitation. The goal of these efforts is to help young people leave the streets and assist in moving and adjusting to a safe and appropriate living arrangement. Non-profit organizations, including faith-based and community organizations are eligible. Applications are due by May 18, 2006, and it is anticipated that 25 to 50 awards totaling $5,000,000 will be provided. Contact: Kelli Matson-Geist at (866) 796-1591 or FYSB@dixongroup.com. The full announcement is located on the web at: http://www.acf.hhs.gov/grants/open/HHS-2006-ACF-ACYF-YO-0105.html

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Perdita Felicien (Canadian, world champion hurdler)

mentored by

Miss Arthurs, who talked her into coming out for track in grade four.

~ From Famous Mentor Pairings ~

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EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY IN MENTORING

Nativity Prep Academy, a private, tuition-free college preparatory middle school for under-served children in San Diego, California, is seeking a full-time Program Director for the AMIGOS Mentoring Program. This service provides the students of Nativity Prep Academy with caring adult role models that promote self-esteem and academics. Qualifications include: a minimum of a Bachelor's degree, Spanish speaker, interpersonal skills working with individuals of all ages and backgrounds, previous experience in mentoring, teaching, and/or youth programming, public speaking skills, and organizational and leadership skills.

Responsibilities include: leading the program (recruiting, screening, training, matching, monitoring program participants, troubleshooting, event planning, and evaluation); managing a group of approximately 30 mentors and 30 mentees; working closely with school personnel and an advisory team; marketing the program, to include speaking to groups to recruit adult mentors and other resources; creating positive working relationships with mentors, mentees, parents, school personnel, and the community; networking with other mentoring programs and organizations in the community; and helping with school duties such as supervising lunch or study hall and possibly teaching a class.

The salary is negotiable depending upon experience and background and includes medical, dental, and chiropractic benefits. The contract is for one year. Send a resume and cover letter to: Christen Sperry, 3233 Market St. San Diego, California 92102, by fax: 619-501-1734, or by email:
amigos@nativityprep.org. The deadline for applications is June 9, 2006. The start date will be the end of June or the beginning of July.

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Malcolm X (social activist, writer, and political leader)

mentor to

Muhammad Ali (World Heavyweight Boxing Champion and social leader)

mentor to

Larry Holmes (longest reigning World Heavyweight Champion and businessman)

~ From Famous Mentor Pairings ~

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JOIN THE PEER RESOURCES NETWORK

Do you know someone who could benefit from becoming a member of the Peer Resources Network? Although you are receiving this free newsletter every 45-60 days, members of the Peer Resources Network receive a monthly newsletter with additional information, practical tips, announcements, mentor program descriptions, funding opportunities and job openings in mentoring and mentoring research summaries every month.

In addition Peer Resources Network members receive toll-free coaching and consultation for all mentor program development issues as an additional benefit of membership. Members also receive print versions of Compass: A Magazine for Peer Assistance, Mentorship and Coaching. This magazine has become the only advertising-free, professional, peer-reviewed publication on mentoring, and is filled with timely articles and practical suggestions from experienced mentor program leaders.

The Peer Resources Network is a non-profit organization and is sustained through memberships. The low fee for a one-year individual membership is $75.00 and the fee for an institutional membership, which allows up to five people to share a full membership, is $140.00 for a year. We even have a student rate of $32.10/year. For more details on the benefits as well as a secure online form to sign-up, go to http://www.mentors.ca/PRN.html.

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Louis Sullivan

mentor to

Frank Lloyd Wright

~ From Famous Mentor Pairings ~